I've lost track of what day it is. Snow has completely altered my personal schedule several times this week and I'm all discombobulated. One might say my schedule is askew.
Warning: I'm a little punch-drunk tired. The last two weeks have had a heavy toll and there's not much end in sight. Also, for some crazy reason my kids have started getting up earlier. The older two don't bother me much, but that comes with a cost. Guilt. Hard to believe that I'd feel guilty about anything but it's true. I feel bad that I'm not awake and functioning. I'm also too tired to take on that change, so I try to mitigate my guilt by thinking "It's good for them to be independent." Ha.
I'm also feeling a little crazy-giddy. I'm not sure why, except for the punch-drunk tired thing. I keep thinking my glasses are all messed up, but my eyes are too tired to focus right. And I'm having some kind of weird psychosomatic reaction to seeing a mouse in the house - it feels like it's skittering across my feet all the time. As you can imagine, this does not make for happy bedtime thoughts. So. There's the setup for where I'm at right now. This post probably would have sounded different an hour ago, or written in the morning, but too bad. I'm here now.
I could focus on the failures of my day, but I'm not. I'm going to yell the successes with all my might. Because today, today I feel like it. Today, I feel successful.
Breakfast: Goal met. [Side note: I've missed having a bagel and cream cheese for breakfast because it's not in my goal. I'm now compromising. Half a bagel, of which half has butter and half has cream cheese IS in my goal. So now I can have the bagel and cream cheese again. Yeah!]
Lunch: Too many chips. But NO snacks between these meals. Unless you count my has-calories coffee, and I don't. I need coffee to be part of my day right now. Just go with it.
Dinner: A bit too heavy on portions, but I over-portioned on fruit. So it feels a little bit better than usual. And only very minor snacking between lunch and dinner.
But here's the coup de grace: I survived the grocery store.
A bit of serious backstory, in order for the success to be fully appreciated. A while back I discovered that my closest major grocery sells "small" slices of cake. I love cake. I've stopped in there just to get some cake. They also sell some very tasty cookies. Plus all the other junk found in the grocery. I'm ashamed to say this, but I can't tell you the number of times I've run to the grocery by myself, wolfed two large cookies in the car on the way home, and then thrown away the wrappers in the dumpster out back before coming inside. And then have dessert with everyone else. Actually, remembering that and trying to confront it makes me want to cry. So I'm going to move on, assuming that's enough set up.
I went to this store tonight. On the way there I made a decision. I was going to get a piece of cake. No cookies. No other snack food. And later, I would enjoy my cake while the rest of the family enjoyed their ice cream. And I would not have ice cream.
Guess what! Guess! Guess!!!!
I did it. I bought one slice of cake. I lingered at the cookies, but walked away without any. I stared at the candy but left it all on the shelf. I did purchase a diet soda, so I'd have something in the car, but I'm not counting that as failure. When I got home, I ate a little more than half of my cake. I did not have any ice cream.
I set a goal. I met my goal. I did it. Really, honest, transparent, no spinning of the tale. Just plain success.
Bonus: I used the stairs in the parking garage, both down AND up. Four flights. I'm very pleased to report that I was able to move at a steady pace up all four flights without pause (though if it had been five flights, I would had to slow down or take a break).
Tonight, I ran the gauntlet. And I came out the other side better for it.
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