The other day I compensated. Instead of eating my way through the afternoon, I cooked my way through it. I did this once last week, too. I suppose this would be an OK way to deal with the situation if it weren't for the obvious problem: Now there's more tasty food. For breakfast the last two days I've had some homemade pumpkin bread. Doubtful that it's in my calorie range but at least pumpkin is one of those superfoods... right? I'm not so stressed about the calorie count, though, as I am about the fact that after finishing my serving I still want MORE. Am I still hungry? Yes. Well. I'm not really hungry but nor am I full. Comfortably or uncomfortably. But having more bread or something else seems inappropriate. It seems like it would be failure - I've had my breakfast and in my head I should stop. I was able to deal with this yesterday because breakfast happened in the car on my way somewhere, and by the time I got home again I had it back under control. Today doesn't offer me that out so I'm here instead, because I've been skipping the blog thing.
In the end, yesterday was an OK kind of a day. I didn't snack, though my meal portions were still too big. I'm not exercising. I'm beginning to feel like I really need to start doing something more physical in order to reinforce the good eating habits. After all, what's the point if I'm still horribly out of shape, right? But I've got a lit a mile long why I can't (won't) get moving. Once I start moving, I keep going for a little while before stumbling again. It's a terrible cycle. I'm frustrated with myself.
I can report a success, though. Yesterday on the way home I was having something of a meltdown. I wasn't ready to cry but it was close. I was hungry. I was feeling all shaky. The kids were pushing my buttons. They were hungry, too. We were going to get home just barely in time. I had previously planned on feeding everyone leftovers, even cooking dinner the night before with that plan. So fixing dinner wasn't going to be difficult. But I was so tempted to run through some fast food place. I kept thinking "a hamburger sounds awesome." The fast food kind, so very bad for me, and so tasty. But I didn't give in. Knowing I had a plan for dinner, knowing that I'm trying so hard to make this process work, I stuck to my goal. That felt pretty good.
I was looking around my house yesterday and realizing how much junk food there is laying around. Admittedly, it's much higher than usual (leftover from a recent party), but I was considering cleaning it all out and getting rid of it. On the theory that if it isn't here, I won't eat it. The problem with that approach is that I know myself. In the past, if it isn't here I just think about it all the time. I make excuses to acquire it. Then I usually overindulge when I do get a hold of it. I don't think avoidance in the answer for me. I think the only way I'll ever gain some control over this is if I learn moderation.
Instead of continuing to ramble in an almost nonsensical way, I'm going to wander off and jump start the day. Or try to. Today's secret reveal: I bought an exercise DVD yesterday. It's a throwback to one that was very popular about 12-13 years ago. And way back then, I had the VHS version. I actually really enjoyed the routine and after a month or so found myself taking significant measure to make sure I had time to work it- like getting up 30 min earlier in the morning before work. A lot of things disrupted the habit and I never got back into it. But I enjoyed it at the time. Plus, the DVDs were on clearance. So far, I've taken it out of the bag. But my eventual goal is to actually open it! Imagine!
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