I'm too tired to be clever, but at least I'm honest.

Superbowl. One word or two? One of the greatest snacking events, right?

I figured it would be a bad day. Lots of food laying around. Good tasty stuff, too. Most of it junk, which is my favorite kind. But once again, I was surprised. It wasn't too bad. Or even very bad. It was actually... kind of good.

I didn't snack much at all yesterday. Thinking back on the day, I can't remember any snacks. I'm sure I had some, because that's what I do, but it was very little. Once the food made it's way out, I fixed a plate. I ate what I had chosen and didn't go back for more. I didn't even eat right away, waiting until I was hungry. I over indulged in the sweet stuff, sure, but I walked away from the food spread before I was uncomfortably full. And it wasn't even that hard to do.

I wonder what makes the difference. Why was it so easy yesterday and so hard the other day? Sometimes I just think it's a way of protecting myself - I'd go crazy, I think, if it was so hard every day. I feel like there are some days I just sort of check out of this whole thing and go quiet. It's a good quiet, though, not a bad depressed kind of quiet.

Moving on. The last two nights have been the best sleep I've gotten in months. Two nights in a row! Amazing! This is very exciting, mainly because it gives me hope that some day I'll feel normal again. Unfortunately, two nights doesn't fix the current sleep deprived state. It took a year and half to get this bad and will take a long time to come out of it again. But hope is a funny thing and carries you through a lot.

Hmmm. I was in a very good mood yesterday. I had the above mentioned hope, I got to spend the entire day with some of my favorite people, I was able to visit with some old friends, I took some positive steps. Coincidence that the food thing seemed easier? Highly doubtful. I'm not surprised I didn't make this connection above (sometimes it's very hard for me to see obvious things) but I'm glad I've made it now.

Moving along again. I've reformatted my 'to do' list, visually. It makes the line item list look shorter. In some ways that makes it feel more manageable. In other ways, I find it hard to believe that I can condense everything to such a short list. Good? Bad? I don't know. But I need a lot of things checked off today. It's Monday, and it's time to set the tone for the week.