In some ways, the hardest part of this experience is that I enjoy food. Apart from the obsessive thoughts and compulsive eating, I just enjoy the taste of what I'm eating. So on top of the other parts related to this eating reformation, I have to recognize that part of the problem with overeating is that I'm enjoying the taste so much I just keep going.
Which brings me to lunch yesterday: all you can eat fried chicken with mashed potatoes, green beans, dumplings and sweet tea. An absolute awful choice for anyone wanting to lose weight. But I'm still working on keeping my focus on the relationship I have with food, not weight loss. And man, it tasted very good. I walked away from the meal full, but not grossly overstuffed. I ate all the potatoes and green beans but only the small pieces of chicken - and didn't order more. I enjoyed the meal. I enjoyed it all the more because I felt like I had some control over myself. That while the nutritional aspect of it was awful, I held on to my stated goals of stopping at an appropriate time. It felt like a good thing.
The evening was mediocre. I over did it. Shocking, I know. I need to work on this. The whole evening thing is bringing me down in a significantly negative way. Maybe that should be my new goal? I don't know. I don't know how to move forward from where I am.
This morning I'm dealing with an amazingly deep level of exhaustion. It's impacting my decision making, attitude, and outlook. It's raining and my kids are leaving all the lights on. I've wanted to nod off several times while typing this. And it's Monday. Mondays are my heavy hitting days. It's mostly me and the kids. And later, a quiet house full of sleeping children that I'm solely responsible for that I try to fill up with snacks. Feeling horrible today.
No comments:
Post a Comment