If I were wearing boots with straps, I'd try to pull on them.

I skipped writing yesterday. It felt too overwhelming. I haven't been doing well and yesterday I just wanted to float on by all of this. So I did.

The weird thing is that yesterday went pretty well. OK. That might be stretching it. But it went better. I stuck with my breakfast goal. I had a reasonable lunch and dinner. For dinner, I waited until I was hungry. I did snack, but fairly lightly compared to my usual intake. I just didn't want to look at the whole thing yesterday. I wanted to pretend it was all just OK.

It's not all OK, not by any means. Part of this situation is that I live it every day. It's always factoring into my thinking time. "Have I eaten too much? Am I really hungry? Where's that chocolate I want so badly? Can I make a cake?" You get the idea. And it's not just about me. I went to the grocery store yesterday and that's a whole lot of extra stuff. "Is this the best purchase choice? Who's going to eat this - me, or my family? How can I pace myself?" Add to that the stress of feeling so responsible for every one's nutrition, responsible for the budget, and juggling the chore with a grumpy 1 yr old in tow. My last stop, I held together mainly on the promise of purchasing candy at the check out aisle. I was going through the snack aisle and looking at cookies, and said "No, I'll get some M&Ms on the way out." Same through the baked goods aisle. And freezer aisle.

It all came together, though, and I didn't get any candy. Not through any conscious choice, mind you. I was unloading my groceries, juggling Oliver, trying to hurry because the cashier was waiting for me. And I just kind of forgot the candy. But I'll take it as a win anyway, even if it wasn't deliberate. Being able to forget is a win all by itself.

So, the daily report a day late: yesterday wasn't too bad. I think that sums it all up.

In other news: I've taken stock of my responsibilities. I cannot do them all. I'm tired of straining and stressing trying to get it all done. I'm tired. I'm not helping anyone to my satisfaction. So I've decided some things must go. I've made a big change and next week it will result in a very different setup for my daily routine. I think this is good. I'm looking forward to it. But I'm also struggling because it feels like I've failed. I'm trying to see the success: I identified a problem (I'm overworked), I came to a reasonable and acceptable solution (I've shifted part of my workload elsewhere), and I put the plan into action (starts next week). This is a healthy and great method. But I feel like I've failed because I committed to something and now have had to back out. It's so hard to feel free of this thinking. It's so hard to rewire my brain. It's also hard to accept that I'm worthwhile enough to be entitled to saying "No." That's a real problem.

I am going to try to write about today later. I need to keep going, even if I fall down.