I decided to start with breakfast. I don't have any real concept as to what an appropriate portion is. I've spent so long eating too much that I what I perceive as a "normal" portion is usually too large a size. I've tried the little tricks - room around all the food on the plate, smaller dishes, portioning in the kitchen and then walking away. Those things haven't fundamentally changed my eating habits. So, based on a previous diet experience, I decided to start eating a 200 calorie breakfast.
I can eat a lot for 200 calories, some very satisfying breakfast things. No sausage mcgriddles (oops, that's my really secret breakfast vice) but quite a bit of variety. Cereals, yogurt, fruit, different combinations of these things.
Breakfast feels like a good starting place. The day hasn't piled on top of me yet. My failures aren't clamoring around in my head. Breakfast feels easy. Plus, when I start on a good foot it's easier to keep going that way. Some days, anyway.
Today is day 21 of my new breakfast calorie limit. In those 21 days, I've blown the count three times. Those failures really wrecked my day. The failure I felt those mornings dogged me until I went to bed, feeling stuffed and ugly.
But after 21 days... I'm beginning to feel a little successful. I'm beginning to feel like maybe it might be ok. This is amazingly empowering.
That little bit of success gave me the strength I needed to start talking about this more openly. This is good. I must shine a light into the dark corners of this problem.
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