Little nagging things I carry through the day.

Sometimes, the inside of my ear itches. I keep rubbing the outside, or bouncing my head back and forth, or covering up the outer ear, but it still itches. It will continue to just itch. Until whatever nerve is misfiring stops and the itch magically disappears.

Assuming, of course, that I don't puncture my ear drum with a sharp object in a fit of mental incapacity. And that it's not actually some kind of alien attaching itself to my cochlea in an effort to understand human speech.

Back to the ear itch. It will drive me crazy. It nags, irritates, annoys. It's not a huge thing, except in my helplessness. I just have to wait it out. The irritation builds. Until I want to poke pencil into my brain.

So. This food thing? It's like that. My desire for the next thing to eat is always there. Nagging. Irritating. The "pencil in the brain" equivalent is to just give in and eat something. Usually something really bad for me. Somehow, I don't see the act of eating something as traumatic, life altering, or injurious as a punctured ear drum. I vaguely suspect that if I did see eating like that, I wouldn't be struggling this way.

On to less rambling things...

I had a bad day. I won't go into the details, but I fell down a lot. I didn't break my face, but I did bruise it a little. I had some limited success and it's very hard to hold on to it right now.

I'm trying to recalibrate my understanding of "hungry" and "full." The "Thin Within" guide goes like this: on a scale from 0-10, with 0 being "hungry" and 10 being "really uncomfortably stuffed. I'm supposed to eat when I'm at a 0 and try to stop when I'm at a 5. But when I'm at a 0, I can't function. I can make decisions. I often end up eating something in desperation, then eating more faster, and the cycle kicks in. So I think I need to give up on the 0. Maybe eat at a 1 or 1.5. It's possible that as time goes on I can shift to 0. I don't know.

I'm a sugar junkie. When I'm a zero on the scale, I actually have tremors. Realizing this has been a very frightening experience. I'm confronted with how bad I've let this get. Hopefully, with consistent ongoing effort I can improve this situation.

I was supposed to start my success list at the end of each day. I failed. New habit: not actually started. I'll work on it. I still think it's a good idea.

That's all folks.