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Journaling my first true attempt to develop a healthy relationship with food.

Friday, March 4, 2011

I am my own worse enemy.

I'm actually going to try for an end of day post! Amazing! I'm too tired to be sane. Just go with it.

Good and bad. I blew my calorie count for breakfast and stopped in for a donut. The upshot is that I did manage to control myself and only have one instead of the two I can usually inhale. Also, it was a very carefully considered choice. It's just what I wanted, it wasn't stress eating. So I think it falls into a winning experience, if only slightly. I also managed to control my portions at lunch and dinner. Very minimal snacking, too.

The bad? I just gave up completely and ate a freedom snack even though I was already very full and was eating just to eat. And I knew it, and told myself to go away, and ate my way through a large portion. I don't know what happened. I just didn't want to be different. I wanted to throw away all this change. I miss feeling comfortable about food... even if it was a very fleeting feeling as I was eating.

I do not miss the heavy, heavy regret I used to feel. Now, I don't feel so much regret. I feel like it's getting easier to let go of the bad stuff.

So, good and bad today. I sabotaged myself, but managed some success in there. And I can't remember the last time I ate candy by the handful. That's good, right?

Going to try to resume workout tomorrow. It's a goal.

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