I haven't been posting here because I'm... well, I'm all sorts of things. Tired. Bored with myself. Sickly. Stuck in a rut. And, most importantly, I'm avoiding the truth; I've been overeating and not caring.
The other day I wrote about being so tired I could just go to sleep for the day. Today, I did that for a few hours. I was just so tired I had to lay down for awhile. I feel more tired than I think is warranted. I'm beginning to wonder if there's something going on, like anemia or something. It's really hard to judge my level of exhaustion. I'm going to try to move up the doctor appointment I have scheduled at the end of the month. I suspect it won't work - it's so hard to get a short notice appointment - but it's on my list of things to try. Worst case scenario, I'm scheduled to see the doc at the end of the month and hopefully will be able to eliminate any kind of underlying physical ailment.
It's been hard. It's possible that much of this is just depression being ugly.
The last few days I've been out of food control, again. And just not caring much about it. I've been much better today - very reasonable lunches, dinners, and snacks. But I still don't care very much. It doesn't feel good or bad, just all out there in this strange mood.
Also, I've started coughing again. A nasty wet hacking thing. Yuck.
I don't know what to do. I'm pretty sure that I need a jumpstart. I'm just not sure how to go about it. I'd like to be excited about all this again - I've lost weight, my pants fit, I've dropped a size... but none of that is motivating the way it probably should.
And now I'm signing off here to go retrieve donuts from the car. Yup, you read that right. Donuts. That, at least, is something to be excited about.
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