I've let go of this blog and this subject. I've been debating about picking it all back up again. I'm still thinking about it.

While I'm mulling that over, here's some comments.

Next week I'll start boot camp again with Jamie. It will mark a year since I met Jamie, started working with her, and set some goals regarding health and weight loss. I'll be brutally honest. I'm heavier than ever. I'm not pushing a ton, or anything. But I am heavier than when I started exercising one year ago. I know that's not how it's supposed to work. I've sabotaged myself by eating excessively. Poor Jamie doesn't know what to do with me. I keep showing up, working my tail hard, then coming home and eating everything in sight. I know where the problem lies - my high empty caloric intake. I've made some random efforts to change that but with no lasting success.

 The worst part is that as I go on my waistline will grow. Because I will continue this. There is no plateau situation here.

 But I keep working my tail. I've spent a year working with Jamie off and on (mostly on). And I am stronger, physically. I've found the emotional strength to power through some stuff. I fended off a pretty big looming black hole. So I guess it's not all bad. I started the couch to 5k program today. I got out there and jogged, then walked, the jogged, then walked, then shuffled... but I made it through. And I did it in the rain. Much to my HUGE surprise, I think I could do this with some ease. I don't feel like I need special equipment, I'm getting out of the house so no one is interrupting me, and the program is only 30 min - a manageable time. Yes, it was hard. Hard to keep going, hard to put my head down and feel like I was going to be OK. I wanted to cry. But I made it. One of my goals was another 5k this year.

I actually want to run this one.